Friday, March 31, 2017

The Coffee Potion

You may or may not know this, but coffee shops are dangerous places. Because of the strength of caffeine in espresso, it is the perfect vector for magical potions. Many coffee shops are run by sorcerers and fairies willing to sell these potions and slip them into drinks. They do a roaring trade in love potions.

As it so happened, one young woman was blithely unaware of this fact and she agreed to go out for coffee with a man she didn't much like, but he had cajoled and wheedled until she finally gave in and said yes, one coffee. The coffee shop was run by an evil, or at least amoral, sorcerer who agreed to put a love potion into her drink. He did exactly this and the woman fell in love with the man she didn't much like.

Except she didn't. She wondered why she was in this relationship, except that it seemed an okay thing to do at the time. After all, it meant she was in a relationship, which was preferable to being single, and she was getting laid and there were no better prospects out there at this moment. And so the relationship continued.

There is a problem with love potions. They never last. And after the initial dating period, most couples don't just go for coffee on a regular basis. In fact, the woman barely drank coffee at all.

But it takes time to wear off. They were in a relationship for 2 years and living together before the final effects of the potion disappeared. Then it felt too late to extract herself. It took another year before she left and was happily single again. It felt as if she'd come up for air for the first time in 3 years. As if she was seeing clearly again. And she wondered why she ever got into the relationship in the first place. If you've ever wondered the same thing about yourself, now you know.

The moral of this story is: Beware of anyone who invites you to coffee.

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